"What's with you and your judgmental attitude? So, does her cheating give her husband the allowance to beat her blue-black and pale? The man is an infidel"
"You must be dumb koko; I'll school you on these things. She travels to different countries, rides in exotic cars, wears good clothes and flaunts so many things she can't afford. No man will take such insult. When a woman cheats, she Insults her husband"
"Oh she wasn't the only one cheating, her so called husband was also a cheat. Why will he cheat and the woman be beaten to a pulp for same? That's if she really cheated like you claim"
"This is Africa koko, it's a man's world!"
"I beg to differ...." Koko fumed. How did she turn friends with this low self-esteem female version of stupidity? "It is everyone's world. If a man feels he can cheat and get away with it, a woman should too"
"So you support women cheating in marriages?"
"We both know I detest cheating. Even in dating relationships I don't like the act talk more of a legal union. It's not right for any of both parties to cheat but I'm just saying why will he almost kill her for cheating on him when he goes on a cheating spree"
"For me, Maribel, I'd say women should be submissive as the bible instructs, they should sit their asses in the marriage and remain women"
"You mean they should cower at the slightest threat, Kneel to serve him his food, make him feel like a god when all he does is make me feel like less of a woman? Oh please, marriage is 50-50"
"Maribel, Koko, what's the cause of this heated argument?" Maribel's elder sister walked in on the two of them almost going physical
"Big sis, see me o...We were having a conversation about these women coming forth to claim domestic violence, especially one actress claiming she stayed for seven years because of her children. My point is, Men do not just hit women, women provoke it... I know there are beastly men out there but there are gentle or cool headed men who get provoked to physical violence by their wives actions" Koko replied
Maribel, what's your take on this?" her sister turned to ask her
"My own big sis is that, men have no right whatsoever to hit women. In a marriage, a man and woman are equals and they both have equal rights. She's saying the woman might have provoked it by cheating but the man was also cheating...Why does he have the right to do what he likes and the woman doesn't? He had no right to hit her and for me, no man deserves all these worship women give to them."
Maribel's sister laughed. You know I have been married for ten years and I won't say either of you is wrong or right. As for you Koko, you have a slave mentality. A man has no right whatsoever to hit you. If he can't take the heated argument he should walk away, if he can't take your cheating, he should opt for a divorce and not panel beat you"
"Oh oh...You see yourself?" Maribel mocked
"And Maribel, marriage is not 50-50 divorce is the 50-50, but marriage is 100-100 you give everything. Meaning when you decide to marry, you must be ready to let go of it all, this applies to both male and female. He has no right to hit her but koko was right, do not provoke a man into behaving a beast. The bible admonishes parents not to provoke their children to anger, aren't you shocked? When it's the same bible that admonishes children to honor their fathers and mothers so their days may be long on earth. God gave the parents this warning knowing they might push the children to the wall. In essence, marriage is not an easy journey but marrying the right kind of man makes it easy'
"There's this song by an artist that's goes "lazy man na somebody husband, dirty girl na somebody wife. A lazy woman might marry a man that's not her kind of man and the man will kill her for being lazy. But on the other hand, there are men who employ nannies, cooks and all for their wives and instructs her to stay home and nurture the kids( full-time house wife)
The problem with marriage is that many people focus on things that don't make a happy home- material things, sex, the party and all...What makes a happy home is finding the person who complements you. A man who will hit you when he marries you will first push you without apologies during a heated argument while courting. The signs are always there, we are either too in love to see it or too carried away to notice. My advice to you girls, is to marry your God-given kind of man. The one who will compliment and understand you. If you aren't ready to give it all Maribel, don't marry. There's nothing like 50-50 in marriage.
And lastly, if a man hits you once, walk away. He will never change. You might have provoked him, but only cowards hit women. Walk away. If God wills, he might find that woman who won't provoke him( I doubt that. The best is for him to seek therapy and become better) I hope you understand my explanation?"
"Yes Aunty...So has uncle Ever hit you?" Koko asked
"Well, I'm lucky. He has never... Maribel knows I'm a calm person naturally so he hasn't..."
"So the black eye and red face you had when I came visiting nko?" Maribel asked
Edna looked away, she was a psychologist who counselled people against living with Domestic Violence. How would it be if her sister knew she faced the exact thing she always braced women to walk away from?
"Big sis... A lot of women live in denial, some we know others we don't....I hope someday, they are bold enough to walk away" Maribel rejoined
"Yea..." Koko sighed
Edna walked away from both girls to take her husband's call, Philip ranted for a few minutes on the Phone before barking out the order... "Come back home now!"
"Maribel I'll see you later" she rushed out
"Philip what's the meaning of this?" she asked calmly
"I'll burn these clothes I have asked you to stop wearing provocative clothes"
Edna remained calm....She was an introvert and even though she always remained calm on days like his, her husband still found reasons to hit her
"You are keeping me quiet. So, i'm now a Fool ehn??? Ehnnn????" Philip rushed towards her, she fled but missed her step and landed on the center table. The glassware crashed shattered into several pieces. A sharp one pierced through her skull....there was so much blood
"Edna... Edna....Edna...I'm sorry..." Philip muttered as his wife bled on....
"I married...the..wro..ng..man..." Edna stuttered her last words. She had died, died thinking she could Salvage her home. If only her sister and friend would take her advice seriously, Philip had been a means-to-an-end husband... A man she had to marry to save her face from the shame of old spinsterhood.
"Ednaaaa... Philip screamed as he tried to lift her from her limp form
Don't Justify the pain you are living with...walk away now!
Short but precise. Go girlie!
ReplyDelete*Thanks Ku hun*
DeleteNice piece......sad Edna died after giving the advice she herself couldn't live up to.
ReplyDeleteIkr? Thanks dear
DeletePeople live under facades sha sha
ReplyDeleteNice piece Kingbecca. God bless you darling
ReplyDeleteAmen! You too darling
Delete*sighs* not good, not good. When it comes to the things of the heart I mindful of words before I will be read as a woman who loathes the union called marriage, truth be told I love marriage more than the wedding(is what every lady is looking forward to and not the marriage). King Becca dear, the part you wrote on ladies are too inlove or carried away to notice these ills, you are right but not entirely, to add to your view dear...90% of ladies know the men they are in courtship with even more than we(friends and family) do but they should to hope and have faith that he will change like they are the Holy Spirit, then again such uncultured men who beat women admits to the fact they have an issue bleeding from their background which is true but do not deal with it, their partner in the courtship out of sentiments and sometimes guilt(which is unnecessary) then like you said the tag of old spinsterhood keeps them stuck to say the vows of till death do us part. A stand to be corrected but please my fair ladies I understand our need to be married, the joy of being married and the joy we put in the faces of our loved ones and society at large and also the show of our being responsible, please on no account should settle for a phillistine when the Princes of God(Israeli) is out there searching for you. You are priceless, precious, an ona of beauty, a daughter of Sarah, you deserve not less but better than the best. Is Purple, I stand for ladies
ReplyDelete*I am mindful*
ReplyDeleteThe answer is embedded is this detailed comment of yours- DO NOT LIE WITH A PHILISTINE!
DeleteTrue my dear
Delete*they choose to hope*, *I stand to be*, *the joy we put on the faces*, *should we settle* sorry for the errors on my previous comment. As for the men who have violence as their weakness, you need to get healed inside out, you need Jesus, you need to know the height, length, width and depth of His love, you need to know and understand marriage in the light of Christ, the bridegroom and His bride, the church, marriage is beautiful. Then I seek this medium to apologize to you on your parents behave, on the society's behave, on certain pastors' and spiritual leaders and ministers behave who are guilt of this ill behaviour for teaching you the wrong way to love. God is love, and He is ever willing to help you heal. Then lastly you need a Christian, born again and Spirit filled believer counsellor to counsel you. To my amiable ladies who in one way taught our men to become violent(there are few exceptions) I beg you to stop that act of Jezebel, is from the pity of hell and is against God's mandate for us as women. I have heard of ladies who came from abusive homes and now see it as a norm to be domestically violated by men, I beg you, it isn't. You need to heal dear fair lady, let God teach you what love truely is.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few exceptions and they will find us
DeleteYES, YES,YES...God bless you for this Sharon
DeleteAmen and you too @ Zion-Zoe
DeleteDamien, they will
DeleteThere are many reasons why women may not leave. She may not have enough financial resources to live away from her spouse. She may not have a place to live in.pamelawilliamssw.com/your-secrets-will-make-you-sick/
ReplyDeleteTrue, but no reason would surpass her wellbeing
Delete